Weddings

It's up to both of us.

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So I was talking to one of my friends a few days ago about engagements and how despite all of the "we're equal, yatta yatta yatta" talk many women give, when it comes to one of the MOST important decisions on our lives, we still think it's up to the guy. And by we, I don't mean all of us. I know there are plenty of couples who let go of the stereotypes and make decisions as a team, but sadly, I don't think that is the norm. In our case, I wasn't about to just sit back and let J. decide my future- nor did he expect me to decide his. Instead, we had a serious discussion about getting engaged, and while we both still wanted some of the "surprise" factor, we had a feasible time line of when we could have the wedding, how long of an engagement we wanted etc so neither one of us was completely oblivious to what was going on/just following blindly.

But like I said, that doesn't seem to be the norm.

More often than not I hear of girls who desperately want to marry their significant others, but instead of expressing that desire to them, they share it with their friends and then "hope" that he will maybe possibly propose this Christmas. Or this Valentine's Day. Or their birthday. Or their anniversary, maybe this Saturday... you get the idea. Maybe J. and I have an uncommon relationship, but I have never understood why- in this day and age- women still feel it is "wrong" to talk to your significant other about marriage.

Here are a few excuses I've heard.

Excuse #1- "I don't want to scare him."

Sweetie, this is an easy one. If he is scared by even the prospect of marrying you, then he isn't the one.

(now, if you've only spoken twice, you don't know his middle name, and you're already picking out wedding dresses, well then maybe you're right. That would scare him. Hell, that would scare me. I'm speaking of the timing being right. You're old enough, have been dating for a decent amount of time-whatever that may mean to you, need to make a life altering decision such as where to live, whether or not to take a job, go to a specific grad/med school, etc. etc.)

Excuse #2- "I want to be surprised"

Kind of valid. Some people do need the candlelit walkway, the rose petals, the hidden photographer in the bushes- but the thing is, he can still do all of that after you two have talked about marriage. Like I said, I knew that J. and I were going to get engaged soon, but had no idea how he was going to do it. But honestly, that doesn't even matter. It's not about the candles and roses- it's about the promise you are making to each other. And that my friend, should not be made in the split second he dropped to his knee. That is a decision that you two should already know the answer to because you've both already discussed the lives you want together- including the tough issues like money, where to live, children, etc. Meg mentioned once that you need to discuss divorce too, and I completely agree. If it is not an option to you, you need to talk about that. Discuss what you would do if you two felt disconnected. Would you go to counseling? Throw in the towel? These are things you should know BEFORE you say "I do."

Excuse #3 "I don't want to issue an ultimatum."

True. Ultimatums are never a good thing. If it has come to ultimatums though, maybe there is a deeper issue at hand. Nothing good comes from forcing someone to do something they don't want to- especially when that something is getting married.

With that said though, it is not an ultimatum to say that you want to spend your life with that person and want to make that promise to them, and want to know that they are on the same page. And being on the same page, also means being on the same time line. If you want to be married within a year, and they are more in the "maybe in 5 years" boat, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to compromise there. You also need to see if THEY are willing to compromise, because marriage is all about the compromises.

Then, if they are still dodging the question, refuse to give a solid answer of yes they want to or no they do not, personally I think you should seriously reflect on why that is. Because like every one of my guy friends have told me- "if a guy wants to be with you, he will." (Remember the movie He's Just Not That Into You?) And like my dad has told me (paraphrasing here) "You either want to marry someone or you don't. Either way, you just know."

And I think that is the major issue here.

Are so many of us women just waiting around in relationships, not talking about it, because we're afraid of the answer we might get? If that's the case, then you already have your answer. This isn't the 1800's. Likelihood, no one is going to show up at your door with a glass slipper that magically fits. And seriously? Would you really run off with someone you didn't know because a shoe fit? No, because that would be silly.

So ladies, let's all stop with the excuses. Decide what you want from life and be honest with one another. And after that, allow your partners to be honest with you- even if it's not what you want to hear. Talking isn't going to ruin the surprise, it won't be an ultimatum (unless you say propose to me tomorrow or I'm gone and really? that's not constructive.), and if they are the right person for you, the idea of sharing their life with you shouldn't scare them.

Groomsmen Gift

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I saw this over on Project Wedding and couldn't get it out of my head. What an awesome idea! Break away from the monogrammed/etched/anything able to be ordered in bulk, and make a gift box specifically for your best buds.

And I know I say it's for the guys, but I know plenty of girls who'd love something like this too. Think mini champagne bottle, an orange, and a champagne flute for the mimosa lover- or maybe tequila, limes, and salt for the margarita lover. Have a friend who prefers coffee? Pick up a bag of their favorite roast (or a new type you'd like them to try) and pack the box with a cool mug, biscotti, and cinnamon sticks, chocolate or whatever other flavors/mix-ins they'd like. You could even add earrings or a necklace to each of the boxes to give a gift that "lasts" as well. The possibilities are endless.

Peek into the Studio

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the invitationscopyright courtney khail stationery and design

the rsvp envelopes copyright courtney khail stationery and design

Just wanted to show you all a little of what has been keeping me so busy these past few days.

This is an order I've been working on for a while now and I just finished the last envelope! It's so rewarding to see everything complete.

I also thought I would show a few things that have been going on this week outside of work.

A few images from our Valentine's Night dinner:

the table
yuuumm. I could live off of antipasto platters.

A lovely card from one of my best friends in Boston (I love getting letters in the mail. Almost as much as I love her!)

this made my night :)

And lastly, this showed up in the mail earlier in the week:

If you can't tell, it's the March issue of Martha Stewart Living. I didn't order it for myself, J didn't, and my mom can't remember if she got it for me for Christmas or not. Either way, it was a great surprise!

Now, I'm so excited it's finally the weekend! Tomorrow we're going out to celebrate one of our friend's birthdays (and maybe sneak in a morning hike,) but tonight I'm hoping for a relaxing night in :) Have a great weekend everyone!

Simple rustic affair

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row 1: photo via snippet and ink
row 2: elizabeth messina photo via oncewed, porcelain utensils via caroline swift, paper sack menu via sunday suppers row 3: , burlap fabric via the paris apartment, hanging postcards via design sponge, dress via the english dept

I know a (really) cold front has hit the majority of the country right now so many people are dreaming of sitting by a fire or playing in the snow, but I saw this top image on snippet and ink and haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Since I promised today's post would be "lighter" I figured an inspiration board based on this image was perfect.

This one is all about staying simple and rustic. A lot of natural elements (fresh herbs, the dirt

floors, exposed wooden tables) with touches of off white porcelain and simple laid back fabrics (like burlap and thin white cottons.) As the party goes into the night, I see a ton of twinkle lights hanging from the ceiling and tucked into the shrubs and a family style dinner of different pastas, bottles of red wine, and oven fired home made pizzas covering the tables.

Has anyone else noticed a shift to the "simple" for big events such as wedding? It seems as though more and more people are realizing that the day isn't about coordinated favor boxes and towering flower arrangements, and instead are holding tight to what really matters to them. Personally, I think it's wonderful!

Have a great day, everyone!

Wonderfully put.

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TTO over at ten thousand only wrote her last post today (really sad to say that because I loved reading her blog so much) and I thought it really hit the (wedding) nail on the head so I thought best to share. So here it goes: "weddings, no matter how you slice it and dice it, will tug at your heart strings and push your buttons. you're emotional because you're thinking about your families and what this shabang will mean for them, you're emotional because you're excited about the new family you're about to build, you're emotional because all of your besties are there to support you, you're emotional because there's a lot to do and you're kind of like just stressed the eff out, you're emotional because you find yourself walking that fine line between keeping everyone happy and being true to yourself...

...you're emotional because you're committing to f.o.r.e.v.e.r with that one amazing person...and want the wedding to be that kind of perfect...

it's just one day. but it's significant, you know?

so amidst the flurry, should things ever get a little hairy or overwhelming, take a step back and remember what it's all about. (hint: it's not about cake flavors or wedding dresses.) "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - maya angelou

i had to remind myself every now and then...what mattered to me, who mattered to me, and what the day itself meant to me. in the end, not everything made sense to everyone, but it absolutely made sense to me, to my husband, and to our loved ones."

Perfect, right?

Being true to you

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via ffffound

I have started this post about 5 times now, simply because I feel this is a very important topic.

A few days ago Meg over at A Practical Wedding posted a quote that I haven't been able to forget and think this is a perfect time to share it with you.

"What no one tells you when you're young, what no one seems to understand, is that the best thing you can ever do is find the person that makes you want to be the best you possible. The one person that does not complete you, but complements you. enhances you. makes you shine bright right next to them."

I spoke with my high school boyfriend today (after years) and was laughing that I still remember his cell phone number by heart. (I've always had a thing for numbers. I blame it on having to actually dial numbers before the age of cell phones and automatic or one touch dialing.) After getting off of the phone I was amazed to realize how different but similar we still are to the people we were over 10 years ago. We were such opposites so it was fun getting to hear how his life has evolved, who he's dating, what he's doing etc.

Coincidentally, I was talking to my sister tonight and we got on the topic of relationships and how each one teaches you something about yourself and gets you one step closer to the person who compliments you perfectly. I believe that 100 percent.

Before I met my husband I was in a relationship that wasn't bad, it just wasn't right. We were no where near perfect for each other, but we were comfortable and therefore we stayed together for longer than we probably should have. He was a nice guy, but deep in my heart I knew we weren't compatible. He talked about marriage and kids right away, and his view of marriage/ the relationship between a husband and a wife was fundamentally different than mine. But, of course, being young and in college we didn't really have to face "real life" right away. Instead, date nights and formals and parties filled in the times that if we had really talked heart to heart we probably would have learned we weren't right for each other and moved on. But as a firm believer in fate, I think that was all part of the overall plan for us both. It wasn't until he graduated and I was "on my own" that I realized I wasn't happy. I was on a career path I didn't love, headed for a marriage that I wasn't compatible for, and making plans for the kids I didn't want. It felt like I was living the life of someone else. Someone who was nothing like me.

And then I met J. and we instantly clicked. I tried to say it was only a great friendship, but there was a connection that I had never felt before. An understanding between us that I was beginning to think didn't really exist. When I realized that I was falling in love, I decided my life had to change.

I stopped listening to the advice of others. Stop listening to my head and made myself follow my heart.

I sat and thought about what I really wanted from life and decided it was time to be true to me and take charge of my life. I enrolled in more studio classes, changed my "after college" plans of grad school, and broke up with my then boyfriend. I went to stay with my sister for a week, and called J to ask him to come- as my date- to a party the very next day.

I took what I learned from my past and made sure to be very upfront in our relationship- making sure we understood each other, were completely honest and open and most importantly, that we were truly ourselves. No pretenses, no games. And it was, and continues to be the best decision I've ever made in my life. We're coming up to our first anniversary at the end of the month and I just wanted to share this story with everyone and hope it resonates with someone.

You have to be yourself to be happy. And your best self. Not the self that your parents want or your friends or a stereotype that you think is what you are supposed to be in order to be successful/happy/etc. And once you're happy being you, you'll find your match, your direction, and your purpose. You'll find what makes you shine in life.

Happy Thursday everyone! Thanks for letting me share!